Dear friends,

I wrote the following article for our newsletter in January 2002! Though I have adjusted a few things a bit since that version, I believe the thoughts presented here are apropos to our current culture, and maybe more than ever.

Wishing for us all a kinder, gentler, and more civil society in the coming year.

Mary Alice & The St. James Tearoom

At the beginning of this New Year, I believe we should reflect upon an old idea with much modern significance—Etiquette. What is Etiquette, where did it come from, and why is it important?

Within civilization the world over, manners have always been important. Manners and civilization have always been inherent.

The term “etiquette,” however, originated in France during the reign of King Louis XIV. The head gardener came to the King with a problem: visitors to the palace and admirers of the gardens were stepping on the delicate new seedlings and crashing through flowerbeds and wearing the grass thin.

The two of them decided on the way to handle this. They would put up “little tickets” or “etiquettes” on the grounds to tell visitors how to behave in the gardens: “Please Stay on the Path,” “Please Do Not Walk on Grass,” “Please Do Not Pluck the Flowers.” “Little tickets” became a reminder of thoughtful behavior.

Etiquette is simply a code of behavior for various situations, based on consideration and thoughtfulness. In the case of King Louis XIV, the situation was “How to Behave in the King’s Gardens.”

Etiquette is practical advice for kind, respectful everyday living and provides a sense of order.

Etiquette is a sensitive awareness of the needs of others.

Etiquette is not optional among civilized people.

Our manners are only a surface indication of what is underneath. Etiquette is not pretentious but really is based on the Golden Rule – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Our behavior toward others indicates our true, inner selves, and what we are is more important than how we appear. More important than which fork to use at a dinner party is what kind of a dinner partner we are.

Do the people we interact with know they have been treated with consideration? Do we make those around us feel valued and respected?

Etiquette is the underlying principle for behavior among civilized people based on Respect and Ethics. It is the outward indication of our inward reality.

The practice of etiquette signifies our understanding that “We are not the only ones! There are others here, and they matter too.” Etiquette demonstrates a selfless mentality by diligently shaping the small matters of outward behavior according to the high value we place on those around us.

Common courtesy allows the gears of community to run smoothly…and cooperation abounds.

The good news is that etiquette is coming back in style. There is burgeoning interest in this subject all over the country as we long for the days of civility. Good news, indeed!

All of us here at The St. James Tearoom hope you have a gentle, civil, happy and prosperous New Year.

Yours for the return of Grace, Civility, Beauty, Gentility, and Excellence,

Mary Alice